Gotta Joke for you guys

[TractorChick]

Two pretzels are walking down the street.... One gets assaulted (a salted)
LOL
Please tell me you guys like it... my co-workers told me never to tell jokes to them anymore....

I heard it off Home Improvement!!!

-amanda-

[Eugene]

I liked it.

[TractorChick]

Thanks Eugene

[Barnyard]

That was funny. Is that what is called "twisted" humor?

[Eagle]

funny, I love silly humor.

[boldpsi]

Amanda,

i see you like "dry humor"!! try this one on'em, next time:

two ropes (yep, ropes) are walking down the street on a hot day. they stop into a bar, and FirstRope says to the bartender, "i'd like to order 2 beers". the bartender says quickly, "i'm sorry, but we don't serve ropes here"... so they walk out. down the street, hotter than before.

they walk into the next bar, and SecondRope says to the barkeep: "Bartender, can we have 2 beers please?". the bartender looks at them for a moment, then says, "No... we don't serve ropes here"... so they walk out. hotter than EVER.

now, they walk up to the third bar. FirstRope says to SecondRope, "wait a second...", then ties himself into a knot at his lower end, and unravels his top end. then they walk in. FirstRope goes right up to the bar, says: "Bartender!! Two beers!" and waits to see what happens.

the bartender looks for a second, then turns around and fills 2 beers. as he's sliding them across the bar to FirstRope, he suddenly pulls them back, and says, "Hey, wait a second... aren't you a rope?!"

and FirstRope says: "Frayed Knot!"

get it?

dave "that'll shut them up" holgate

[John *.?-!.* cub owner]

I am trying to make up my mind whether I should reply to the 2 of you or knot.

[geibes]

A guy is sitting alone at a bar. All of a sudden he hears this high squeaky voice say "hey I like your hair cut." He looks around and no one is in the bar except the bartender but he's pretty far away so the guy ignores it.

A little while later, he hears the same high squeaky voice say "Nice shirt." Still no one in the bar. He calls the bartender over and tells him about the voice. The bartender says, "Oh it's the peanuts, they're complementary."

[Hengy]

A termite walks into the bar and says, "Hey is the bar tender here?"

Took my wife three days to get that one when I told her...

Mike in La Crosse, WI

[Jim Becker]

Two tigers walk into a bar. One of them is hungry, and spots some prey, a woman, at the other end of the bar. He pounces, competely devours the woman, then returns to his seat next to the other tiger. A short time later, he says to the other tiger that he feels very sleepy. The other tiger replies, "Of course, that's a barbiturate."

[Barnyard]

Two tigers walk into a bar. One of them is hungry, and spots some prey, a woman, at the other end of the bar. He pounces, competely devours the woman, then returns to his seat next to the other tiger. A short time later, he says to the other tiger that he feels very sleepy. The other tiger replies, "Of course, that's a barbiturate."

I have met a few of those in my day.

[Heller1m]

True story:

A couple of years ago there was a commercial on television where a mime gets onto the backseat of a car and rides around... at the end of the commercial the mime, says something.

When the commercial was over. All of a sudden my Daughter says "Oh my gosh!... If a mime falls down in the forest and there's no one around to hear him, does he make a sound?"

[boldpsi]

a panda walks into a chinese restaurant, and orders bamboo shoots.
the waiter brings them, and waits to ask if there's anything else he can get for the panda
the panda quickly eats, takes out a gun and shoots the waiter, and walks out! the owner runs after him and asks the panda why he did that.
the panda says, "I'm a panda - go look it up!"
the owner goes to the dictionary, and under Panda, it says:

"Panda: eats shoots and leaves"

[Boss Hog]

What does a fish say when he swims into a concrete wall
DAM

[VinceD]

Love all the jokes

Here is a groaner for the ladies:

A maiden was renowned throughout the kingdom for her beauty. One day, the queen learned of her. Being envious, she threw the maiden into the dungeon. And the queen made her wear an ugly, ugly dress. Every day, she saw knights riding past. She called for help, but they were repulsed by the dress. Eventually, she realized no knight would rescue a damsel in this dress.