Let's get serious for a moment...

[Redman]

[beaconlight]

What a revolting developement this is. Same story only it took a block and tackle to get out of the ditch that the side of whih caved in while we were stopped. Thank you tall stout trees.

[Donny M]

Here’s one I’m not so proud of:

Let me preface this with telling you that in my life I have stolen two things, one when I was about 10 or 11 years old. It seems a candy bar (Snickers) found it’s way into my jacket pocket at the corner grocery store. Just when I thought I was in the clear I felt a strong hand on my shoulder and heard a voice asking “would you like me to tell your mother where you got that candy bar or would you like to put it back?” Of course I put it back and my days as a thief were over, until...

I was building a house in the woods of Maine. The dirt road to the house was about half a mile long. During the spring a seasonal creek would run across and down part of the road. The road needed a culvert in the worst way but at the time I had a meager income so I made due.
One afternoon my brother in law came over and told me that he knew where I could get a culvert. He explained that it was a few miles away and sitting there for the taking. I told him of my failed career of thievery but with some prodding he convinced me we could succeed with the covert action.

That night around midnight we loaded in my truck and headed out. We came to the site of the culvert, jumped out of the truck and grabbed the culvert. I was shaking so bad I could hardly push the clutch. We returned to my place and stuck the culvert behind a stone wall. Safe and sound in my bed I was thinking, that was too easy, something is going to go wrong.

Move ahead a couple of days, I’m starting to relax, the cops haven’t shown up and everything is quiet. Now I need to get the culvert in place, I call a friend of mine with a backhoe and let him know I needed a culvert installed. He came over within an hour. We are walking along the road and he asked me where I got the culvert. My reply with a wink was “down the road”. His reply to that was, “you SOB you stole my culvert. I’m going to have you arrested.”

Well I’ll tell you my heart jumped right out of my chest and bounced about 10 feet down the road. When I recovered my friend was standing there laughing so hard he could hardly breathe. We loaded his culvert in the back of his truck and after I was sure I wasn’t going to jail we had a good laugh together.

A couple of days later my friend comes over with a culvert he had sitting in his yard. He installed it and we had another good laugh. My laugh wasn’t as deep as his as it’s very hard to laugh when you’re filled with shame

This happened about 25 years ago and finally ended my career as a thief once and for all

[grumpy]

While I was stationed down south (Navy) Charleston, I was being transfered to Newport R.I. and the movers were comming to pack us out while I was at sea so I told the wife to have my friend return my air compressor (old and very used). Well, she and the kids went on to PA. to visit family until I got housing. Well, I got back and she said he returned it and was with household goods. I finally transfered and stopped by my old friends on the way out of town. he wasn't home but there sat my compressor with the cast iron cylinder busted. I was really ticked off so I loaded it on my pick up and went to R.I. Finally got housing and the movers unloaded a brand new compressor still in the box. Written on the side with a majic marker was the following "Dave, sorry I busted your compressor so here's your replacement. Good luck from a hopefully good friend. Hank" What can I say. He got a good laugh but I'm still not laughing after all these years. Grump

[Phillip W. Lenke]

We'll it has been a few years so I can bring this one out ,
We were having a Home builders group from church. It is for married couples. There were probally more couples there that night than any other time. At least it felt like it.
I was on and off the toilet most of the day, but my wife convinced me to attend. We'll as luck would have it I was holding things in for about 45 minutes while we did our devotion. I had to go really bad.
So I went off as soon as we were done. sat right down, you know one of those glad I made it , jobs. Well after the first wave was over I got to looking around for the TP well it was over on the other wall, the stool seemed to be in a really tight corner, but I was'mt worried about that at that time. got to thinking (you know you do your best thinking in there,) The stool would have been better placed over on the other wall. Then it hit me OHHH!
I looked for the water hook up , on the other wall , the stool drain , on the other wall. The TOILET WAS NOT HOOKED UP! Now keep in mind, there are couples out there that I did'nt even know yet. So I cleaned things up as best as I could.
My wife knew I was in there for quite some time and was looking for me. Well that sparked the owners attention, Saying I hope he did'nt go to the bathroom in there The stool is not attached (THANKS FOR THE HEADS UP!) Well, as soon as I came out of there, that was his first question to me IN FRONT ON EVERONE! You did'nt use the toilet did you!
In my complete honest way I said
NO!
I bet my face was a red as my cub when I said that. So on the way home I told the fellow that I had indead used it , and he apologized for blurting it out in front of everyone and for not putting the sign up," DO NOT USE" per his wifes request.
The bottom line here listen to your WIFE, others depend on it too!
Phil

[Jeff M]

Many years ago, a friend and I were using adjoining stalls in a public rest room. There were extremely disgusting sounds coming from his stall, and every time I heard one, I shouted to him, "You disgusting pig!" He'd only reply, "Excuse me." This happened about five times. I finished up and went out to wait for him...and he'd been in the car the whole time.

[John(videodoc)]

Well on my 18th birthday. Out drinking with the boys. Way too much of course. We thought it would be fun to be like train robbers like in the "ole west". Of course this was after drinking several cases of beer. We were in my firebird. We found a GRAIN Train in the middle of winter. So a friend climbed up on the hood of my firebird. We began to have a "low speed" chase down railroad tracks. (talk about a bumpy road ) Eventually we picked up speed. We got closer and closer to the train, until.......... The tracks split into two tracks. Well, needless to say, my firebird couldn't handle that decision, went from 45 or so mph to 0 immedicately. ruined two brand new front tires, friend went flying into a snow bank (thankfully). And the grain train went on its way. I have no idea what we were going to do if we actually caught up to the train...... Were we gonna fill my little trunk with corn?????????? Man the things drunks come up with when drinking.
Oh by the way later that night, i did get arrestted for Public intox and reckless driving, seems the state of iowa dosent want people driving on railroad tracks for some reason. That was a hard to explain to mom and dad. And my teachers at school as they broadcast things like that on the radio back home.

[Rick Prentice]

Well, they're all hilarious so far, but Jeff's brought tears to my eyes laughing .

Good one Jeff

Rick

[Jim Reid]

Back in the seventys we deer hunted in the NC mountains i purchased a pair of insulated coveralls with a hood one morning on my way to my stand i had one of those pains that you had better do something quick so i thought i had everything out of the way after completing the paperwork (leaves) i thought i should check to see if everything was ok as i shined my flashlight downward i noticed that i had made a large deposit in my new hood so i cut off the hood and gave it a sling down thru the laurel bushes.my youngest daughter after she wiped the tears from her eyes from laughing asked me dad what would you have done if you had flipped the hood up on your head before looking my reply was you would never have head this story.
Jim

[spiveyman]

Back in the seventys we deer hunted in the NC mountains i purchased a pair of insulated coveralls with a hood one morning on my way to my stand i had one of those pains that you had better do something quick so i thought i had everything out of the way after completing the paperwork (leaves) i thought i should check to see if everything was ok as i shined my flashlight downward i noticed that i had made a large deposit in my new hood so i cut off the hood and gave it a sling down thru the laurel bushes.my youngest daughter after she wiped the tears from her eyes from laughing asked me dad what would you have done if you had flipped the hood up on your head before looking my reply was you would never have head this story.
Jim

ewwww

[Jeff M]

A friend of mine was also hunting, experienced the same emergency situation, dropped his pants, forgot to open the trapdoor in his union suit, and let 'er rip. The only recourse was to remove the union suit. Union suits are always one piece. It was a very chilly day.

[Mag Man]

I think I had my 2 thefts like Donny,
Once when I was very very young me and my mom stopped at a fruit and veggie shop. and I put a couple of chest nuts in my pocket. When I got home I got real scared and told my mom what I had done. I think that was the first time I ever prayed to god my mom told me how to do it and to ask forgiveness for what I had done I was scared of going to jail my self but she said this would take the load off my mind I was probably only 3 or 4 years old.
Then when I was a teenager I went to the local drug store with my mom and decide I needed about 5 packages of rolling papers. So I looked around real good and stuck them in my pocket. as I was leaving the store a man grabbed me by the arm and said would you like to get your mother and meet me at the back of the store. I was scared sh$%less. So i went to the register where my mom was checking out and said there was a security guard waiting for us at the back of the store cause I had did something wrong.
So because of what it was I was getting drilled about drugs and who told me to do it. I said we make spit balls out of them and shoot them in study hall and no one told me to steel them and they were not for drugs. He realesed me to the custody of my mom . I was still scared she asked me what kind of punishment I wanted I did Not Want The Belt so I said take my New BB gun away for a month. It worked after a stiff talking to But My Dad had dies just a few months earlier so she may have taken pitty on me because of that. I have never stole again.

[Denny Clayton]

Redman wrote:

We backed into the driveway of large woods that my parents own. Deep into the woods with the engine off and some smooth music playing, we gazed through the windows at the stars shinning through the trees. . As the end of the evening came near, I proceeded to start the car and pull out... I thought. The car started, the wheels turned... and mud flew as the vehicle sat still. OH CRAP!!!

Rick,

I think I drove by that woods a little while ago on my way to Delphos. I don't think you want to go out in the woods tonight. It's still pretty wet!

[Lance Leitzel]

Well, I'd guess it is time to tell my story. Mine actually has something to do with a Cub even. My in-laws saw what is now my cub sitting with a for sale sign on it. I take a ride go out and see it, fall in love with it and call back the next day to make a deal on it. Now the tractor is about ~35 miles away from my house. No big deal, I'll borrow a trailer and with my father-in-law's help this won't be a big deal. Well, first thing that goes wrong on the magic day of pickup is that we find that the big trailer's tag as expired. A couple of quick calls and we locate another trailer. Father-in-law askes my the weight of the tractor. 1300 lbs. (error #1) Hook up trailer, I kick check the presure in the tires and I'm sure they have air. (error #2) Don't ask the trailer capacity either (error #3)

We get to pickup cub. Man looks at us funny. You going to put the tractor on that? Pointing to the metal mesh deck. He's moving so he digs up some plywood to spread the weight out. We now back the loboy, with weights front and back, loaded tires and woods mower deck onto trailer. Remember that 1300 lbs. quote. Strap down tractor and off we go.

Thankfully my father-in-law has trailered quite a bit in his life. We drive about 1/2 mile looking for a gas station to inflate the tires more as they are really showing they are over loaded. Get to gas station, no air compressor. But meet a man who is very excited to see a cub. He says he has air compressor at his house, just follow him. We go back down the same road we were on get 10 yards from his house, tire blows. We limp into his drive way. Owner of house says no problem, I have a tire that will match this trailer. We are in the middle of nowhere and he's going to have a tire that matches this one?!? Well, sure enough he does. Now we are back in business with two tires with air and one overloaded trailer.

Proving that my father-in-law is a saint and I am an idiot, he drives the rest of the way going 30 mph and doesn't say a word for the rest of the way home. (Yes we took some very empty roads home.) By now it is dark, very dark. This 30 mile trip has been well over 3+ hours at this point. At reaching the end of the gravel driveway, he turns to me and says "I really glad we are here. Honestly, I thought we would have to leave your tractor somewhere, but it's here now. With a smile he says, I think you'll find it weighs more than 1300 lbs.

Well, there's my confession. How NOT to trailer a cub.

[Rick Prentice]

Great story Lance, and well written. I know it probably wasn't funny at the time, but sure is now Hope the FIL doesn't rub it in from time to time

Rick