News from Michigan

[Jeff Silvey]

Carl:
Keep your head & Spirits HIGH You & your family will get through the tough times.
Jeff

[Marion(57 Loboy)]

Hey Carl,

A big Saaaaaalute to ya for stepping up.

Been there...doing that!...(with my Dad).

He is still at his home, but needs checked in on often. Sometimes to his consternation !! He doesn't drive ( or should I say: go out and get lost !) anymore thank goodness. He does manage enough to see to his own day to day needs to a point where I (and the doc ) feel he can be there. He's a stubborn old cuss...and he refuses to go anywhere else for now. I have to try to see things from his perspective also.....when I get real old, I don't want my punk kids telling me where I have to go either !!!LOL
The fright, paranoia and mood swings too are all just par for the course. Why the fear of throwing away trash I don't get !! Oh well, we keep it tidy for him.
I have come to grips with the fact that this is something I cannot change or fix, and that just being there as a safety net is the role I need to take for now.

Not being selfish with this....just my opinion-I think it is more difficult on caring family members when an elders mind fails the body, than when the body fails the mind.

You are a blessing to your Uncle and your fellow man Carl.

The fact that the caring ping ponged around the forum and the country is, well......the way the world STILL IS for those of us who remember what we learned from a sermon or two....and from our folks.

A lifelong friend friend of mine lost her husband after years of needing care, and now needs some of the same care she used to "give". She told me once she just marvels at how her daughter just took on the chore and didn't know where she learned all that. You should have seen the smile on her face when I explained to her that her daughter learned all that and more just by watching you take care of her Dad.

We don't even realize the impact of what we do sometimes, That is why it so important to always try to the right thing. Someone, somewhere is watching, and when it's time, will act accordingly.

God Bless you and your Uncle.

[Bigdog]

Carl, I read this and I thought of you:

Just up the road from my home is a field, with two horses in it.
From a distance, each looks like every other horse. But if you stop your
car, or are walking by, you'll notice something quite amazing.

Looking into the eyes of one horse will disclose that he's blind. His
owner has chosen not to have him put down, but has made a good home for
him. This alone is amazing.

If nearby and listening, you'll hear the sound of a bell.

Looking around for the source of the sound, you'll see that it comes
from the smaller horse in the field. Attached to her bridle is a small bell. It
lets her blind friend know where she is, so he can follow her.

As you stand and watch these two friends, you'll see how she's always
checking on him, and that he'll listen for her bell and then slowly
walk to where she is, trusting that she will not lead him astray.

When she returns to the shelter of the barn each evening, she stops
occasionally and looks back, making sure her friend isn't too far behind
to hear the bell.

Like the owners of these two horses, God doesn't throw us away just
because we're not perfect or because we have problems or challenges. He
watches over us and even brings others into our lives to help us when we're
in need.

Sometimes we're the blind horse being guided by the little ringing bell
of those who God places in our lives. Other times we're the guide
horse, helping others see.

Good friends are like this..........You don't always see them, but you
know they're always there. Please listen for my bell -- and I'll try to
remember to listen for yours.

[beaconlight]

AMEN

Bill

[Lurker Carl]

Thanks for the moral support, guys. Cleaning up the house was easy compared to witnessing him take a 'mental agility' test this morning. That really tore me up.

[beaconlight]

Fortunately or unfortunately that day will be here for many of us too. God Bless you and your uncle. Glad there is physical things to do, so as to keep you busy.

bill

[Patbretagne]

Right behind you
Pat and Noëlle

[Carm]

You are a saint Carl, Keep up the good work. We are praying for you and your uncle!

[John *.?-!.* cub owner]

Thanks for the moral support, guys. Cleaning up the house was easy compared to witnessing him take a 'mental agility' test this morning. That really tore me up.

I understand what you mean Carl. One of the men form our church developed brain cancer a few years ago, and had to go for radiation therapy 5 days aweek. some of us took turns taking him on the 150 mile round trip to the tretments to give his family some relief. Don had been a school superintendant, and was one of the more intellignet people I knew. It brought tears to my eyes one morning when we passed a school bus as we were travelling up I-55 and Don was having trouble figuring out how many wheels it had.

[400lbsonacubseatspring]

There is a disease which afflicts only the intelligent and well educated, the name of which I cannot recall. It is generally herded in with the cases of Alzheimer's, because it has similar symptoms, and the treatments are the same.

It is a syndrome, and it is named after a Frenchman. It's early symptoms are memory loss, so I would be really really scared right now, if I were either intelligent, or well educated.

It was once known as a teacher's dementia, actually, as it seemed to be most common amongst teachers and college professors, while true alzheimer's disorder is almost non-existent in those populations.

It is one of the saddest things, truly, to watch razor-sharp minds decompose in this manner. One of the only "good" things I can say about this particular version of dimentia, is that the feelings of terror and fear are almost non-existant, and the person is left feeling every bit as confident as they have their entire lives. They "feel" as if all their abilities are there, until they try and use them.

When I was a notary public, I offered low-level paralegal services to the residents of the valley here for next to no money. One day, my former Kindergarten teacher called, and asked me to come to her home, to make out a living will. When I arrived, she presented me with a cup of hot water, and apologized for having forgotten to put the coffee in the pot.

"They tell me I am losing my mind." Said this stately woman of 90, who had lived alone since her husband died some 20 years before. "I don't seem to be in a position to argue the matter, either, and quite frankly, I don't care one way or the other." She put sugar and cream in her hot water, and offered some to me. "I do remember you, Tommy, as I remember all my children, and that's why I called you. I want to make sure they don't do things with me if I don't realize what they are doing anymore. Do you understand what I mean?"

"Yes, Kathryn, I believe I do. What do you want to allow them to do, and what do you wish to prevent them from doing?" I asked, and figured some hot sugar water wouldn't do me any harm.

"I wish to allow them to do nothing whatsoever. When I do not wish to drink, then let me die of thirst. If I do not wish to eat, let me starve. If my heart stops, it is time for it to stop. I will be leaving my house soon, they tell me, but I want this thing drawn up before that happens."

I sat with her for about an hour, and we chatted about gardening, her years teaching, her disappointment in me for not "doing something with my life, etc.." She got a number of things wrong, of course, but nothing anyone would normally notice. I drove home, drew up the document in about 2 hours, and drove it back to her house, for her signature, calling a neighbour to witness it, without allowing him to read the document.

That was the last time I saw Kathryn. She had no children, so her time in the nursing home was likely very lonely. For a woman who only had her memories to comfort her, to have them slowly dissolve seemed the most unfair thing a person could imagine. My aunt, who was a good friend of Kathryn's, told me she spent most of her days in her room reading massive quantities of books. She probably didn't remember what she read, but at the time, she never knew the difference.

My point in all of this is that sometimes, the Dementia of those we love is harder on us than it is on the person who is going through it.

[beaconlight]

You are so right Tom. Carl appreciate little minute with your uncle. You will not recognize him as the man you knew at times. He will know at times and not at others.
We went through this a year ago with my father. The day before he died he said Bill I think I am getting old, I am slowing down. He hadn't walked in a month. My dad could play 10 different people checkers at the same time and beat them all. It hurt for me the most because I was the oldest and saw him do things that my younger brothers hadn't seen. The twins are 10 years younger thanI am. I say we because Beverly was with me every step of the way as were my brothers as well as my sisterin law Pat, widow of my brother Bob.

Bill