> Subject: Explanation
> The midwest is a little hostile to those living in
> the West...
> Because of misunderstandings that frequently develop when Easterners and Californians cross states such as Illinois, Ohio, Indiana, Wisconsin, Nebraska, Kansas, Iowa, Missouri, Minnesota, North Dakota, and South Dakota, those states' Tourism Councils have adopted a set of information guidelines.
> In an effort to help outsiders understand the
> Midwest, the following list will be handed to each
> driver entering the state:
> 1. That farm boy standing next to the feed bin did more work before breakfast than you do all week at the gym.
> 2. It's called a "gravel road." No matter how slow
> you drive, you're going to get dust on your
> Navigator. I have a four wheel drive because I need
> it.....it's not just to keep up with the neighbors.
> 3. We all started hunting and fishing when we were
> seven years old. Yeah, we saw Bambi. We got over it.
> 4. Any references to "corn fed" when talking about
> our women will get your butt whipped .. by our
> 5. Go ahead and bring your $600 Orvis Fly Rod. Don't
> cry to us if a flathead catfish breaks it off at the
> handle. We have a name for those little trout you
> fish for -- bait.
> 6. Pull your pants up. You look like an idiot.
> 7. If that cell phone rings while a bunch of
> mallards are making their final approach, we will
> shoot it. You might hope you don't have it up to
> your ear at the time.
> 8. That's right. Whiskey is only two bucks. We can
> buy a fifth for what you pay for one drink at the
> 9. No, there's no "Vegetarian Special" on the menu.
> Order steak. Order it rare. Or, you can order the
> Chef' Salad and pick off the two pounds of ham and
> 10. You bring Coke into my house, it better be
> brown, wet, and served over ice!
> 11. So you have a sixty-thousand dollar car you
> drive on weekends. We're real impressed. We have
> quarter of a million dollar combines that we use two
> weeks a year.
> 12. Let's get this straight. We may have one
> stoplight in town. We stop when it's red. We may
> even stop when it's yellow.
> 13. Our women hunt, fish, and drive pickups, trucks
> and tractors because they want to. So, you're a
> feminist. Isn't that cute.
> 14. Yeah, we eat catfish. Carp, too -- and turtle.
> You really want sushi and caviar? It's available at
> the bait shop.
> 15. Those are pigs. That's what they smell like. Get
> over it. Don't like it? Intestates 70, 80, & 90 go
> east & west; Intestates 29, 35 & 55 go north &
> south. Pick one and use it accordingly.
> 16. The "Opener" refers to the first day of deer
> season. It's a religious holiday. You can get
> breakfast at the church.
> 17. So every person in every pickup waves. It's
> called being friendly. Understand the concept?
> 18. Yeah, we have golf courses. Don't hit in the
> water hazard. It spooks the fish.
> 19. That Highway Patrol Officer who just pulled you
> over for driving like an idiot .. His name is
> "Sir"... no matter how old he is.
> Now please, enjoy your visit. Just don't overdo your
> stay, we have corn to plant.