Country Wisdom

Tue Nov 23, 2004 12:11 pm

I sure hope this doesn't offend anyone :!: 8)


Country Wisdom:

Country fences need to be horse high, pig tight, and bull strong.

Life is not about how fast you run, or how high you climb, but how well you bounce.

Keep skunks and lawyers at a distance.

Life is simpler when you plow around the stumps.

A bumble bee is faster than a John Deere tractor.

Trouble with a milk cow is she won't stay milked.

Don't skinny dip with snapping turtles.

Words that soak into your ears are whispered, not yelled.

Meannesses don't happen overnight.

To know how country folks are doing, look at their barns, not their houses.

Never lay an angry hand on a kid or an animal, it just ain't helpful.

Teachers, Moms, and hoot owls sleep with one eye open.

Forgive your enemies. It messes with their heads.

Don't sell your mule to buy a plow.

Two can live as cheap as one, if one don't eat.

Don't corner something meaner than you.

You can catch more flies with honey than vinegar, assuming you want to catch flies.

Man is the only critter who feels the need to label things as flowers or weeds.

It don't take a very big person to carry a grudge.

Don't go huntin' with a fellow named Chug-A-Lug.

You can't unsay a cruel thing.

Every path has some puddles.

Don't wrestle with pigs: You'll get all muddy and the pigs will love it.

The best sermons are lived, not preached.

Most of the stuff people worry about never happens.

The Ten Commandments display was removed from the Alabama Supreme Court building. There was a good reason for the move: You can't post Thou Shalt Not Steal, Thou Shalt Not Commit Adultery and Thou Shall Not Lie, in a building full of politicians without creating a hostile work environment.

Tue Nov 23, 2004 12:47 pm

"Keep skunks and lawyers at a distance. "

Now ya done went and insulted the skunks! :lol:

Tue Nov 23, 2004 1:20 pm

Loved it, been living by most of them my whole life. Also note: a bumble bee is faster than a cub. :cry:

Tue Nov 23, 2004 1:35 pm

A Budhist, a Rabbi, and a lawyer are traveling together when their car breaks down and they are stranded miles out in the country. they spot a small farmhouse in the distance and walk to it asking if they can spend the night. the farmer states they are welcome, but his house is so small one of them will have to sleep in the barn. The Budhist replies I am a very humble man, and goes out to the barn. Just as everyone is settling in for the night there is a knock on the door. When the farmer opens it the Budhist is standing there. He states, "There is a cow in the barn and my religion forbids my sleeping with a cow". The Rabbi says "I too am huble, I will sleep in the barn." Just as the farmer, rabbi, and lawyer are settling down to sleep there is a knock on the door. When the farmer opens it the Rabbi is standing there and states "There is a pig in the barn, and my religion forbids me having anything to do with pigs". The lawyer sighs and says I'll go to the barn. Just as everyone is going to sleep there is a knock on the door. When the farmer opens it the cow and pig are standing there.......

Tue Nov 23, 2004 7:47 pm

This was told to me by a lawyer. :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: 8)

An engineer dies and is standing at the pearly gates. St. Peter asks him “what is your occupation” the fella replies “I’m an engineer” St. Peter tells him that “We don’t allow engineers here so you have to go Down There.” The engineer goes down and is soon very uncomfortable with all the heat so he designs an air conditioning system. Everyone is overjoyed. Soon the engineer becomes tired of walking here and there so he designs a transportation system. Everyone is so impressed. The engineer goes on to make life “down there” very comfortable.
Soon God hears about what’s going on and decides to pay the devil a visit. Upon God’s arrival he is impressed about life “down there.” God asked the devil “just how did you do all this?” The devil replies “we have an engineer.” God then says “you can’t have an engineer down here he belongs up stairs.” The devil says “you can’t have him”. God says “you better let me have him or I’ll sue you.” The devil then asks “where do you think you’ll get a lawyer!”